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“I can’t stop thinking about you either. Even when I’m asleep I dream about you. You know you mean everything to me. I wish I could take it back… All of it. Gosh I’m so in love with you it hurts.”
I observed carefully as Sam wiped away the tears that had collected on her now flush cheeks. Her weakness making me want her more, to hold her in my arms like I had so many times before.
“… Cat are you in love with her?” Sam’s voice crumbling more as I saw the pain reflected so openly in her eyes.
Taken back by her questioning I found it hard trying to find the right words to give an answer.
“Sam I’m not in love with her… I realised I thought I was. I used to be in love with her along time ago. But now I see if it wasn’t for the fact she left it wouldn’t have enabled me to find you. I’m in love with you Sam and only you”. Biting down on my lip hard enough to feel the pain, my words provoked a stirring within me. Frankie had done one good thing in her life and that was leave me the way she did. Otherwise I don’t think Sam and I would have ever met.
“I’m not sure you do love me… I mean why would you do this to me if you did? When we first met I asked you didn’t I? If there was anything to worry about. You see Cat I’ve liked you since day one. Do you remember those chats we used to have before work… It made my morning… Made my whole day even. So I was always cautious when it came to loving you… But you reassured me then I had nothing to worry about. But I did. And now I’m left still loving you and nursing this broken heart.”
Sam was different in the way she spoke of her emotions, nothing like I had ever known. She appeared soft somehow and I couldn’t deny the fact I liked it. She was this butch cop but she didn’t hide her feelings. In fact I was grateful she never could with me. To see her this tormented over what I had done rose those feelings within me that I knew she loved me, much more than Frankie ever could. It wasn’t what she said it was what her eyes portrayed to me, that delved deep into my own soul to see we were meant to be.
“Sam… I don’t know what to say. I don’t know how I can make things better. But I know I want to nurse your broken heart. Make you my Sam again. I… Know that.. Well I know you don’t want me anymore… But I still don’t want to lose you completely. Maybe eventually we can become friends?”. I couldn’t stare into those eyes anymore, the ones that told me I had broken her, teared her apart. Shuffling my weight I pulled myself from kneeling before so closely. The proximity slowly making it harder to breathe.
I didn’t want to look up I was scared of the outcome but the soft vibrations as she spoke my name made it hard to fight wanting to state at her beautiful face.
Looking up at her blue eyes I saw the softness towards me, I hadn’t been quite prepared for a look of pure adoration.
“I want you… To take me to bed”.
I coughed as I felt the wind being knocked out of me. Did I just hear her right… She… Wanted me.. To take her… To bed? My breathing felt rapid as my skin tingled with such desire, the wanting of wanting her become too much.
“You… Want me to take you to… Bed?”. My words raspy as my throat became dry, finding it hard for me to swallow.
Cupping her hair behind her ears as she usually did with such calmness I was sure I hadn’t heard her right. Desperately hoping I hadn’t just made a fool of myself. Our eyes remained locked on one another, as I took the time to appreciate the silence that filled the air. Concentrating on just the object of my heart bringing me near to an attack.
“Yes take me… To bed. Our bed”. The gentle brush of her breath on my cheek as I felt myself aroused at the thought of such intimacy. My breaths were short as the oxygen couldn’t get into my body quick enough.
She grabbed my hand making me jump a little but relaxing into the soothing touch after the initial shock had subsided.
Both gradually leaning into one another, I felt Sam’s hand work its way to the nape of my neck urging me to move closer.
Her lips slowly brushing mine with such care and appreciation… My head throbbed at the simple touch. Both of her hands pulling me off the floor so now my body could relax into her as she lent back into the sofa.
My head swirling from admiration, desire, love and everything in between intoxicating how she affected me more, the throbbing between my legs. Feeling the warmth of her body radiate itself felt truly sublime coaxing and enticing me further as my body felt overcome with the sudden rush it felt in Sam’s arms.
“Sam… I love you but… I want to take you home to our bed before I can’t control myself any longer. But more importantly are you sure you want to do this? Do you even want me back or is this just goodbye?”.